A tragedy/A blessing

The most prescious person in my sisters life and to all of us past away on December 15,2005

This is the poem that I chose to post with a picture and insert in a frame.

And this is what it says:

I'm Free

Don't grieve for me for now I'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me
I took his hand when I heard him call
I turned my back and left it all
I could not stay another day,
to laugh, to love, to work or play
tasks left undone will stay that way
I found that peace at close of day
If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joy
A freindship shared, a laugh, a kiss
Ah yes, these things I, too, will miss
But not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow
My life has been full, I've savored much
Good friends, good times, a loved ones touch
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
Don't lengthen it now with undo grief
Lift up your hearts and share with me
God wanted me now
He set me free...


You see I have known this woman practically most of my life, her and her family have allowed me to be a part of their family from the moment I entered into their life.

She meant the world to me as well. She was a courageous, loving, honest, caring woman.

And I am glad that I was allowed to be around her and was able to love her as well.

Here is to you (mom) kisses and hugs from all of us .....

LASTNIGHT A DIFFICULT TIME

LASTNIGHT A DIFFICULT TIME


LAST NIGHT WAS A DIFFICULT TIME

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THAT WHENEVER I TRY TO SPEAK OR HAVE A CONVERSATION OR EVEN MAKE A COMMENT

SOMEONE HAS COME IN AND SAY THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT OR TO SAY THAT HE IS BETTER THAN ME

IN HIS ILLUSION HE MIGHT BE CORRECT BUT IN MY REALITY I FIND THAT HE IS WRONG

WHAT TENDS TO BOTHER ME THE MOST IS HOW A PERSON CAN BE CRITICAL OF SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG BUT FINDS SOMETHING WRONG TO JUSTIFY HIS OWN ACTIONS

I AM A CNA, AND FOR HIM TO SAY THAT HE KNOWS MORE THAN I DO BECAUSE HE STUDIED FIRST AID IS LAUGHABLE IN THE LEAST... BUT OF COURSE CANNOT ARGUE WITH SOMEONE WHO BELIEVES THAT THEY ARE THE GREATEST WHETHER THEY HAVE ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING OR NOT

I FIND THAT PEOPLE WHO DO THESE ACTS ARE INSECURE WITH THEMSELVES....THAT THEY ARE JEALOUS OR ENVIOUS OF OTHERS ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND HAVE TO BROW BEAT AND PUSH PEOPLE DOWN OR SUFFOCATE THEM TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL BETTER.

I FIND THAT THE ONE DOING WRONG IS BLESSED AND THE ONE DOING RIGHT IS OSTRACIZED....

HOW QUIET CAN A PERSON BE....

I CAN TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN BE VERY QUIET ALMOST INVISIBLE THAT YOU ARE FINALLY ALONE IN A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE AND NO ONE CAN SEE YOU

I FEEL THAT MY BODY IS ABOVE AND WATCHING DOWN

ON THE ROOM THAT IS FULL

OF PEOPLE

DOING THIER FUNNY DEEDS

I AM LEFT ALONE IN MY SOLITUDE, NOT FINDING SOLACE... NOT FINDING PEACE

I CRAVE THE ATTENTION THAT MY HUSBAND GIVES TO OTHERS

I CRAVE HIS LOVE THE MOST OF ALL

THE COURSTEOUS AND THE HOSPITALITY

THE RESPECT

I FIND THAT I AM ALONE ON MY OWN IN MY OWN TEARS....

I FIND THAT I HAVE TO FIND MY OWN PEACE MY OWN INTEGRITY AND MY OWN RESPECT

NO ONE ELSE CAN GIVE ME THESE BUT MYSELF

THIS IS MY GOAL

MY GOAL TO LOVE MYSELF UNCONDITIONALLY AND RESPECT MYSELF AND BE AN INTEGRITY KEEPER OF SELF

YESTERDAY

YESTERDAY

YESTERDAY I SPOKE ALOT WITH MY SON
HE SPOKE ALOT TO ME AS WELL

WAS A VERY INTERESTING CONVERSATION ABOUT MYTHOLOGY....THE TROJAN HORSE...HELEN OF TROY

THIS DIATRIBE LASTED VERY LONG OR SHOULD I SAID MONOLOGUE...

VERY INTERESTING STUFF FOR MYTHOLOGY.

IT IS HARD SOMETIMES WHEN YOU BELIEVE IN SOMETHING ELSE TO LISTEN TO THINGS THAT DO NOT MEAN ABSOLUTELY SQUAT TO YOU

BUT THEIR IT IS..
SOMETIMES THAT IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IN LIFE

LISTEN TO THINGS AND PEOPLE YOU DO NOT WANT TO HEAR....

IN THE END YOU WILL FIND THAT YOU WILL LEARN SOMETHING...MAYBE OF HOW A PERSON REACTS IN A CONVERSATION OR WHAT THEIR TRUE BELIEFS REALLY ARE..

OR EVEN HOW THEY CAN TELL A STORY WHETHER TRUE OR EVEN FACTUAL

YOU CAN FIND OUT WHO THIS PERSON REALLY IS

MAYBE TRY AND ACCEPT THEM FOR WHO THEY TRULY ARE....

I HAVE CONFIRMED MY ANALYSIS...

MY SON IS NOT A CHRISTIAN

HE HAS HIS OWN PATRON SAINT....HE BELIEVES IN gods and godesses.....

WHAT DO WE DO WHAT DO WE THINK

THEY TEACH THIS STUFF IN THE SCHOOL SYSTEM AND OUR WORLD IS COMPLETE IN DESTROYING ITSELF

I FIND THAT YOU CANNOT CONTROL SOMEONE ELSE ONLY YOURSELF

I FIND THAT YOU ALONE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN WELL BEING AND SELF AND ACTIONS

WHY DO PEOPLE WANT TO BELIEVE IN DEMONS

IS THEIR LIFE WITHOUT PURPOSE THAT THEY HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING WITH A SHOCK VALUE IN IT TO TORMENT THEMSELVES MORE

MY THOUGHT IS IF I WENT OUT AND DID SOME HARM TO SOMEONE ELSE WOULDN'T I BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT HURT THAT I INFLICTED ON THAT PURPOSE

NOW A DAYS THEY USE EVERY EXCUSE IN THE BOOK FOR A DEFENSE....

OH, I DRANK TO MUCH
OH, I DID DRUGS

OH, I HAD A HARD LIFE
OH, I CANNOT CONTAIN MY ANGER I HAVE ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES
OH, I CANNOT HELP THAT I AM VIOLENT OR ROB AND KILL PEOPLE

I BELIEVE THAT ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

WE ALL HAVE A CONSCIENCE AND WE ARE ALL ABLE TO CHOOSE RIGHT FROM WRONG....

I FEAR SOMETIMES THAT

WE USE TO MANY EXCUSES

WE HAVE TO MANY EXCUSES FOR OUR OWN GOOD....

I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY SON IS THINKING I AM NOT IN HIS HEAD

IT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T LOVE HIM BECAUSE HE BELIEVES IN MYTHOLOGY AND OTHER gods

I AM HERE FOR HIM NO MATTER WHAT....

I KNOW HE WILL NOT DO ANYTHING DRASTIC LIKE ROB AND STEAL AND HURT SOMEONE

BUT I STILL HAVE FEAR

FEAR FROM THE UNKNOWN FEAR FROM THIS SOCIETY OF THE WORLD IN GENERAL

HARD DAYS, HARD NIGHTS

THEIR ARE HARD DAYS AND HARD NIGHTS

I SOMETIMES FEEL THAT NO ONE IS LISTENING. I FEAR THAT MY WORDS ARE THROWN OVERBOARD AND CAST INTO THE OCEAN.

WE ALL LOOK TO OTHERS FOR CONFIRMATION AND GRATITUDE FOR OUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS....BUT WHAT IF THEY ARE NOT THEIR...

TOO GIVE YOU THAT ACCOMODATION THAT YOU NEED TO HEAR, TO SAY GOOD JOB AND THANKYOU FOR DOING WHAT IS RIGHT.

WHAT YOU KNOW TO BE TRUE TO YOUR OWN REALITY... WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD INSIDE.

WHEN YOU DO NOT GET THIS...WHERE DO YOU GO?

I FIND THAT I CRY MANY TEARS...SOMETIMES THEY ARE SILENT AND SOMETIMES I CANNOT CONTROL THIER OUTBURST...THEY SLIP DOWN MY FACE SLOWLY BUT SILENTLY WHERE ALL THE WORLD CAN SEE.

THEIR ARE NO ENDEARMENTS, NO I AM SORRY'S, NO HUGS.

I FIND THAT I AM IN A LITTLE BUBBLE THAT IS READY TO BREAK UNDER THE STRAIN OF THE PRESSURE THAT IS PUSHING DOWN UPON ME...

UNDER THE UNKIND WORDS THAT CONSTANTLY BERATE MY EARS.

UNDER THE TORMENT THAT I FEEL.

I WONDER WHY MY WORDS CAN NEVER EXPRESS THE TRUE MEANINGS

I WONDER WHY MY WORDS CANNOT BE ALOUD TO BE EXPRESSED...WITHOUT THE ADDED WOE IS ME

I FIND ALSO THAT LIFE SEEMS TO BE WRAPPED IN CELOPHANE THAT RIPS AND TEARS AT THE CORNERS OF YOUR HEART

ONLY TO SHRIVEL AND BE CAST AWAY

I FIND THAT EMOTIONS CAN BE HELD WITHIN....BUT ONLY FOR A TIME UNTIL THE ANGER SETS IN.

I ALSO FIND DEEP IN MY HEART THAT I CANNOT ALLOW MYSELF TO LET MY WORLD REVOLVE AROUND

EVERYONE ELSE

THAT I NEED TO BE FIRST AND FOREMOST

I FIND THAT I NEED TO BE ABLE TO LAUGH MORE

I FIND THAT MY LIFE IS HARD BUT SOMETIMES EASY

BUT MOST OF ALL I I FIND I AM FINDING ME